Goal Setting and Body Image... and Other Stuff?

So. I've signed myself up with my personal trainer again. Andrea is amazing and gives me exercises that seem easy at first "pffft I can do that" but after 3 sets of them- I can't even laugh the next day. Or. The. Next. Ha. But she even has incorporated Shawn's kijiji Bowflex find and kettlebells so I'm kept entertained. She has also organized a schedule for me to do that is really working for me. I alternate between running, weights, and swimming each week now and I'm on week two and still loving it. I'm finding checking the boxes on my schedule very, very satisfying! I showed her a dress I bought in Vegas when I was 25 and how tiny it was. I used to just fit into that dress. Now I can't even get it over a thigh. I asked her if she thought it was realistic that I fit in it again? She looked at me and said "you did at one point?"... and I said "yes..." and her respons? "Of course".... And I was so happy. I've really been down on myself/my goals- just thinking because I'm older that it might be unattainable to be that fit again.... but that really made me feel better!

The other thing I've done is get myself a dietician. Thank Shawn's benefit plan for that one! I was actually kind of shocked that massages and naturopaths are covered under my plan but not something I'd deem equally if not more essential, a dietician. It goes right back to our health care culture of reaction instead of prevention. Sigh. Oh well. So her name is Kelsey and she is awesome. She is full of amazing ideas and even works with the Oilers too... so that makes me feel pretty special... We are working on breakfasts for right now. Apparently I have not been eating any/enough protein in the morning which is what makes me starving for lunch and sets me up poorly all day! I did not really think of this- I have been solely focusing on fruit and fibres. But she gave me a really good recipe for these egg muffin things that seems fantastic and I can make them ahead of time instead of taking too much time in the morning...

But the best part about seeing Kelsey so far has been the body composition we did. I knew going in what my weight was and so that number didn't surprise me, and I was ready for it. What I DID love is finding out I have 62.4lbs of lean muscle mass- which according to the charts/Kelsey is far above average. I have 18 lbs of pure lean muscle in each leg alone! She said that was super impressive and it's a good thing we found out because otherwise she would have probably put me on a diet that was too low in calories! So currently because of my lean muscle mass my resting metabolic rate (the calories I absolutely need to survive during the day) is at 1450, which means that is the minimum amount of calories I need to eat everyday. Wahoo. I also found out that I am bare minimum 110lbsof water, skeleton, brain, organs, and muscle. Which means I could NEVER weight that. If I did weigh 110lbs I'd be 0% body fat and I could never weigh 100lbs. I'd be dead. So that actually made me feel really good... It means I can have a much more realistic goal and vision of myself and what I can become. Not that I would ever want to weigh 100lbs- but it makes my 18 year old self feel better about going shopping with my size 0 friends and feeling down about myself. It means I should be PROUD I have so much muscle and strength. Now my goal is not a weight but a vision for my body to be a lean, happy, muscular machine. Weight doesn't matter. And that's not something I've actually thought about before. The batteries in my scale are dead. And I don't think I'll replace them...

The one other thing I want to add is I signed up myself to volunteer at the Death Race this year. One of the girls at my swim training last night (who does Ironmans and has the bright pink cap to prove it) was wearing a Death Race jacket and I was teeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeming with jealousy. This is a goal I've had for years, then gave up when I got fat, but now realize I can do it. I realize it is not attainable for me to run it this year and get a team etc. as the deadline is Feb 1 for registration and I think it sells out within 10min. But this year, I'm going to go, volunteer, and hopefully get an idea of what it's like so it's not this horrifically intimidating thing. So three things this year... The sprint triathlon, the half marathon (which I just found out are within a week of each other... eep) and the death race volunteer. I think the volunteer work will also be good motivation... I read a poster the other day that's been going through my head all day "motivation doesn't last, neither does bathing". Which took me awhile to figure out but it means you need motivation as much as you need bathing. Every. Single. Day. And that's where my crazy long blog writing comes in. And hanging that Vegas dress in my kitchen. And reading Runners World. And signing myself up for goal races. And just simply imagining the impact my lifestyle has on my kiddo...

So that's it for now. If you read it this far-congratulations. But I won't blame you if you stopped halfway. I would have :)

New Adventures of Old Kristie...

So. This has been a week of firsts. My son went skating and NAILED it first try AND he went to the bathroom in a toilet this week for the first time (let me tell you that was better than Christmas).

First for me- hot yoga. I've been begging everyone I know to come with me on this because I've been very scared to try it alone. It mainly has to do with my body image issues. I just want one form of familiarity there with me so I don't feel so exposed I guess... Well, I was worried because, well because hot yoga sounds scary. The websites have all kinds of tips to prep and things to bring so it got me a bit worried. But Jill showed up and so did I! I have never sweated so much in my life! It kept dripping of my nose and falling on my towel. I noticed it running off my shoulders and even my knees were sweaty. It was phenomenal despite what you're thinking- but physics how??? It was very stretch based and slow with lots of rest breaks just like I like it. And no, I didn't get all the poses- some moves were akin to folding a tennis ball in half for me- science just hasn't reached a level of physics that can make them happen yet. Just impossible. I need to lose some guttage, and boobage area to make a lot of them plausible :). I was so tired after, I just went home and crashed! I did really miss my nightly bedtime ritual with the kiddo though so I'm not sure how many times I can go. He's only this incredibly cuddly age once :(

That being said, I started my swim training again tonight. The pool close to my house has a swim training program 8:30-9:30 Tuesdays and Thursdays where a coach will train you to swim. For the cost of pool admission- or if you have a membership. Which is pretty damn good if you ask me, and the class sizes are small (>10 usually). I used to go quite regularly- when I broke my leg and tore my tendons - my surgeon asked me if I swam... I said no, I barely passed red as a kid. "well you do now" he said. I did it for 3 months- and I attribute it to my ability to have a completely normal ankle right now. And I learned to rotate my body, kick, bring my elbows out, switch breathing sides to avoid kinks and see better, and that I love swimming. It is another one of those sports where the only person I have to prove myself to is myself. I fail miserably at team sports because I get to feeling bad about myself because I'm not the 3rd batter, or centre, or whatever the beat player is. I don't let anyone down by missing a shot in swimming, running, or biking. It's just me, the water, the pavement, and the distance. I love distance because I can go at a nice pace (for now) and let my mind wander. I think about work, my friends, my family, projects, the KIDDO, and I find i get in a groove and it's all mental. I love it. And i forgot how much I loved it. So anyway, I went back swimming tonight. So much fun. I've got a rest day tomorrow and back at it swimming Thursday and a bike ride to work! Yay! Until then...

I'm even too lazy to plagarize

Because I am way too lazy have way too much housework today to write... I am going to post this gem up because basically this woman says everything I wanted to say in my post- so why re-invent the wheel you know??

January 2013 here we go!

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/80/americans-arent-fat-because-they-lack-willpower-theyre-fat-because-theyre-broke/

Value Village finds!

Music Score!

Gypsy Kings- greatest hits. What's better than making enchiladas on a snowy day and dancing around the kitchen to the Gypsy Kings...

The Best Cello Album In the World Ever. Seriously that's what this is called. A 2 cd set of cello awesomeness for kiddo's bedtime. Bonus there is a mini car on the front. H's favourite car!

Serena Ryder- If Your Memory Serves You Well. Ummmmmmmmm she kinda sounds like Joni Mitchell- so good. These are mostly covers of classic Canadian songs- and absolutely a delicious CD.

Juice??

So I watched a show last night called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". At first it seemed like he was trying to hock something but then I realized nope, no, he is just Australian and is trying to hock a healthy diet... This guy was fat and out of control - even had weird rashes and health concerns that medicine wasn't helping... He decided enough was enough and looked into how to fix his life. Somehow the guy turned to an all juice fast. Now let's get something straight. We are talking fresh do it yourself juice. Not the juice you get at the grocery store. But juice like I could buy off the street in Turkey. I still think about that juice. Fresh squeezed orange, peach, berry, you name it- from groves in the Mediterranean. Pair it with street roasted corn with garlic butter? See photo of me 60 lbs ago with a flat tummy. Ugh. Even in this cold winter storm I'm salivating like mad just thinking about it. Damn you Mediterranean street juice. Damn you.

Anyway, this guy adds pounds of kale and veggies to his juice fast. Drinks only this juice for 60 days and loses like 100 lbs. He doesn't make it look easy and he acknowledges how hard it is- but not the hunger- just the mental struggles... And I can't believe how much I want a juicer now.

Now before you think I'm crazy- know this- cancer is rampant in my family history. Grandparents dying before I was born, my auntie, my own dear sweet, funny, smart dad and I've had a scare with it myself. I've been doing some reading/thinking/too much time alone when H is in bed, and I think something like this is exactly what I need. The exercise I can do. It's the eating I have troubles with. Halloween, lunches at work out, Starbucks, pumpkin spice beer, pumpkin pie at Safeway for 2.99. A WHOLE DELICIOUS PIE FOR 2.99? What are they made with nimble child fingers in China?? How is this possible and why is it so good? Argh. BUT I've read a few theories that cancer cells thrive on sugar... Not sure how true this is- because I'm too lazy to do the research and I rely on the world wide web and it's crazies for information
sometimes. And sugar and I go way back. My mom used to have to hide her baking. But there I'd be- standing on the dryer with a pocket full of cookies... But if this sugar-bad juice-good isn't true? No harm done if I try to do something like this I think.

A recent health scare has reminded me that my health is the most important gift I can give to my son. And I was starving today after my trip to the dr. so I stopped at Padmandi- the highest rated vegetarian restaurant in the city. And I dined by myself on fake chicken curry and rice with fresh pineapple juice and thought. It felt great to eat something out that i knew wouldn't harm me in the long run. It was really nice to just be with myself for a small quiet, slow bit. Which doesn't happen too often to a full time working mom with a toddler.

Back to juice- Fasting this way is apparently supposed to be healthy for humans. Our bodies are designed for it. Certainly not for 3 square meals a day an a sedentary lifestyle. I'm sold. Now to buy that juicer. Eek.

You make the rocking world go round-get on your bike and ride!

That's right. I am now riding my bike to work. Not everyday mind you- just the days that Shawn doesn't work because if I have to take kiddo to the dayhome then drive home THEN ride my bike, it is a logistical nightmare. However, on days when I can just go straight to work, the true value of living where we do is revealed. I am a quick 15 minute ride to the new office we have recently moved to. Not only that but it is a 15 minute ride through Mill Creek Ravine, which is like my little piece of heaven on earth in this big huge city that is home for my little family. It is full of birds, saskatoon bushes, and a ravine that slowly winds it's way to the North Saskatchewan. And I love it. We take our dogs there offleash and pulling the dogsled, I have ran countless kms in it, we walk with the kiddo in it- it feels like our little secret beneath the hustle and bustle. And now my bike takes me to work in it.

The last couple weeks I've been able to go an average of 1-3 times. This week I only had Wednesday and Thursday so this morning when I woke up and saw the freezing rain I was unsure. I had tackled cold before, even a light snow- but this seemed like a force to be reckoned with. But when I looked at the layer of ice the freezing rain had left on my windshield that only a true northerner knows I knew biking was my better option. I had forgotten to take my Canadian Tire plush, gel, comfy seat cover off last night so of course it was frozen- and even in my new lululemon gaiter-on-the-bottom pants my girly bits froze for the first minute or so, but once I stopped and scraped off all the ice, all was good. It might be the legendary biker's "callous" that has now formed- which makes my behind numb to the bike seat and therefore numb to ice as well but who knows. That callous deserves it's own blog entry really but I'll get to that later.

I did note at some point that I should probably get myself some sort of drybag for my work clothes, phone and wallet that I carry in my backpack, but I'm hoping on getting some panniers in the near future so a plastic bag can do for now. I also might need to wear my ski goggles as the sleet and rain kinda hurt my eyes at very few intervals, but enough that protection wouldn't be a bad thing. I also need to get myself some sort of biking shoes/boots. My sneakers won't cut it anymore because they are "breathable" which translates to "gets soaking wet and cold" in the winter on a bike. So I'm going to be the height of fashion out there folks. Look out for me on the runways next year in France...

Anyway, I got to bring my bike in the office, and there's rumor going around that perhaps a permanent bike shelter will be provided for us super keener crazies- nope I'm not the only one. On a good day there are 5 of us that ride! Not too shabby eh?

So once it stopped freezing rain- it started snowing. 10-12cm in fact. Now this poses a whole new challenge for the winter biker. Especially since I don't have studded tires. In fact 3 other commuters this evening passed me on their bikes - all commented that I need studded tires. So I'm off to MEC this weekend before they sell out. It was a lot of walking and slipping around in the snow- as much as Edmonton tries- they don't really ever clear the trails for people so I know this is going to be an issue for me all winter.

So now on to my rant- and this is something I can do because it is my blog and it is just my opinion- nothing more, nothing less. If you don't agree with me, that's fine, I don't want to be preachy, let's have a discussion- but here is my opinion take it or leave it. I'm not saying EVERYONE has to ride their bike or take the bus or x-country ski or walk to work or even ice skate like in Ottawa- but I have the feeling it would be a much nicer place if more people did. I know that there are constraints, I myself have them with dropping my son off at our dayhome (don't get me started on how work sponsored childcare would benefit everyone and society as a whole). However, I have gone YEARS without doing it and to be fair I've only been doing it for a couple weeks but man alive does it make me a happier person. I get up in the morning and know I don't have to deal with the stress of traffic. I am quite happy knowing I will get a boost of exercise and get my heart pumping on my route to work. I know I will probably hear some chickadees and house sparrows. I know I am saving money by the litre. I know I am not spouting out pollution (except my own self righteous bullshit- ha). I know I am going to have FUN on my way to work. What a novel idea. What a crazy mixed up world we live in where people move an hour drive away from work and commute daily an hour back and forth for a cheaper, bigger house in the suburbs. Maybe it's my time spent in Europe when I've seen how it is possible for people to ride their bikes to public transportation and not even own a car... I know this is unrealistic for most northern Albertans with our weather- but if me, a chubby 30-something year old mom can do it the odd time- I don't really see why most people couldn't... and here's where I get all judgey judgey---- Except for the fact that our city has a suburb disease. I had the chance to drive out the other night to the suburbs to pick something up and I was SHOCKED at how far south our city has stretched it's dead cement fingers into our aspen parkland and valuable farmland. An area south of Ellerslie, where I used to trap and track deer for university has literally been paved over and covered in exact replica giant houses with shoddy workmanship and yards the size of my bedroom that all look the same and have ridiculous names like Riverview Heights (the river is a good 40km away) and Forest Villa (the forest was tore down to put the homes there), Hawks Ridge (Sorry what? do you really think hawks live here anymore), Lakeview (are you kidding me? Road runoff does not a lake make), The Orchards (REALLY? Is someone taking the piss? Seriously?)... The biggest pet peeve advertisement I have ever seen was a new home community that literally advertised deer in your backyard. Sigh. Urban sprawl is a disease and it's gross and Edmonton has it BAD. As one of the largest cities space-wise in Canada I really think we could do better.

Big Box Stores? Why do we need those? People don't need to drive in between stores- build malls- they take up less space and people walk more then. I've tried walking from store to store in South Edmonton Common. It's suicidal.

Sherwood Park. What is the point of that place really? It's a bedroom community for people who work in Edmonton but want to drive further to get to work? There's no actual businesses there except to sell cheap plastic things to people who live there. Sigh.

St. Albert- same thing but for really rich people who don't want to live next door to someone who might make less than $100,000 a year. Someone once wrote into the St. Albert Gazette commenting on how the people raising their kids there were doing them a disservice by not exposing them to all income brackets of people as well as people who might not be white (next time you're there take a look around) or don't even get me started on THIS awful kerfuffle: http://www.stalbertgazette.com/article/20100403/SAG0904/304039974/-1/SAG09/higher-earning-families-part-of-st-alberts-appeals .... holy shit... read the comments to really get a sense of racism. Or don't and you'll be a better person for it.

I know I have been called a dirtyhippycommiegranolamunchingsocialist. However. I think that the city and it's people can do better. I really, really, really do. Build up not out. Develop inner city schools that are already here and desperately need renovations. Stop building schools in the suburbs. Maybe everyone could take a step back and realize they don't need a giant house in the middle of butt fuck nowhere where they can't even walk to the grocery store. Public transit? No wonder nobody takes it, and it's useless. How could it possibly serve a city the size of New York with less than an eighth of the population. It's impossible. Jesus rollerblading Christ people. Stop the spread of urban sprawl. Stop the demolishing of trees, farmland, irreplaceable wetlands, and wildlife habitat. Did you know that if an animal isn't protected by species at risk rules its home is 100% going to be demolished to build yours. When you could move into a perfectly nice house close to your work, send your kids to a wonderful school in the city, and maybe, just maybe get to ride your bike to work some days in the snow and have a giggle while doing it.

End rant.

Dirty Hippy Brownies!!

So. I slacked for a little while... I'm going to go with around 3 weeks. I had a project at work due and an immense amount of work and very little timeline- welcome to consulting- that found me at the office till 1am on weeknights and bringing kiddo, laptop, and movies in on a Sunday. But now that that's over I can get back to focusing on my life. Ha.

Today I sat down and was perusing the lululemon website after a 30 min cold run in the ravine- and saw some pants I want to eventually fit in... But I got sad because I love desserts and unless I can enjoy food I just can't diet so I might end up a 1-tonne mom. So i was googling healthy recipes that looked really good- and I remembered I had Michael Pollan's book Food Rules somewhere (bear with me this timeline ends up at brownies haha). So I dug into that and it inspired me to see how creative I could get on improving food... One of the rules Italians and French people follow are ENJOY your food- and what's more enjoyable than a brownie? Nothing my friends. Nothing.

So I just took a brownie recipe from the internets and I made it my way-

1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup organic cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup coconut sugar*
1/4 cup ground flax
2 tbsp wheat germ
1/4 cup hemp hearts
3 egg whites
1/2 cup pureed mixture of prunes and spinach**
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1/3 cup almond milk
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup strong brewed coffee
1/2 cup chopped unsalted almonds to sprinkle on top

*it's supposed to be unrefined so it contains all it's minerals still and it has a really low glycemic index so your blood sugar doesn't freak out.
**4 dried prunes, tbsp of water, and 1 & 1/2 cup fresh spinach in a blender

Mix the dry stuff except the sugar.
In a separate bowl mix the wet stuff and sugar.
Add together mixing as little as possible to blend.
Sprinkle with chopped almonds
Butter or Pam 8x8 pan and bake at 350 for 40 min.

It was perfect. The hemp hearts helped with the nuttiness and the prunes and pumpkin kept them moist. Not exactly your mom's brownies and not too sweet or dense but chocolatey enough to make everyone happy, especially my insatiable sweet tooth and I could let H have a sizable piece and not have visions of him being a 1 tonne teenager. We all loved them! Bingo!! Score one for dirty hippy brownies! I guess the next logical step is to move us all unto a commune.