Where do I start? Where does one start from a life shattering event? Where and how do I pick the pieces back up again? I guess it's akin to having a tornado hit your house. One day you just start picking up one piece at a time and slowly mortaring it all together again... a slow, but steady progress, until you have your brick house back up again. It will never be the same... there will always be that crack in the foundation- damage. But it will be strong again, it will be able to withstand whatever life throws at it again, and you can make the little renovations to make sure it withstands the next tornado because now you know what it needs and where it's weak points are. It all depends on the time and care you take putting those bricks back. And that is how I will do it. Slowly and steady and strong.
Someone smarter then me once said "life is daily mediocrity with momentarily brief flashes of brillance". And I've discovered nothing more to be true. But I'm starting to love my days of working, coming home, going grocery shopping, cooking, biking, then sleeping... it's actually the most enjoyable, low stress lifestyle I've had in awhile and giving me lots of time to adapt and be strong.
I have the greatest, best friends in the entire world. I could not believe the support of people that I hadn't even spoke to really in years. It was like coming home again. Thank you to my beautiful friends from home who were there for me, you know who you are. I love you and appreciate you more then you could ever know. I can only hope I can be there for you as you were for me if you ever need it.
I started by riding my bike to work everyday. Simple? Not so much for a girl who loves her late night Conan O'Brien and Stephen Colbert... but there is nothing nicer then an early morning bike ride to hear the birds and get the blood pumping. I almost am starting to feel self-righteous out there pedaling away while the huge doulies and diesels scream past me guzzling their gas and getting fatter... then I started biking after work. I biked the intimidating 20km out to echodale and it was beautiful. I loved it and it wasn't really that hard even. My ass was a little numb after - but I attribute that to it's size at the moment.
Now I'm back to running... some friends and I crazily signed ourselves up for a half marathon in Seattle in November... at my urging of course. I am nuts. It's hard work, but for the first time this week I could actually run up the coulee without stopping... quite a feat for me. Also I was chosen as a torch bearer for the Olympics... so um I have to be able to run and not embarrass myself, which is usually the case.
And now I've signed myself up for boot camp. It's an intense 5 day a week deal where I go with 10 or so other girls and run our asses off for an hour. We have nutrition counselling and all that jazz too. I have to write down everything I eat in a binder and keep track of myself... I guess if you have to be accountable for the oreo cookies you are more likely to eat one rather then an entire row.
I've also signed myself up for the Ride to Conquer Cancer... it's 200km in two days. The website says it's designed so that anyone with a moderate amount of training can do it. I was angry. Angry at cancer and angry at cancer centers, cancer doctors, cancer survivors, the whole thing... but I need to let go of that anger... let go of the need to hate people who talk about cures and hope... I need to believe that there is hope and that perhaps some families don't have to be torn apart too soon. So I'm going to do it and hope that I make it and hope I raise the money... eek.
I'm the type of person that always needs a goal... It was school, then career, now what?... Now it's to be healthy and fit, truly enjoy and appreciate the people that love me and that I love back, the half marathon, the bike ride and attempt a triathlon. I didn't make it to the last one because I was in too much grief and my days of sitting on the bed massaging feet and talking about bbq sauce, his childhood, proper wines, photography, and whatever else I could possibly squeeze out of him (in the least time possible so as not to tire him out) before it was over...are over. So now I need to move. I need to move to keep myself strong and sane. To remind myself the sunrise is infite, regardless that we are not.