I'm even too lazy to plagarize

Because I am way too lazy have way too much housework today to write... I am going to post this gem up because basically this woman says everything I wanted to say in my post- so why re-invent the wheel you know??

January 2013 here we go!

http://www.violentacres.com/archives/80/americans-arent-fat-because-they-lack-willpower-theyre-fat-because-theyre-broke/

Value Village finds!

Music Score!

Gypsy Kings- greatest hits. What's better than making enchiladas on a snowy day and dancing around the kitchen to the Gypsy Kings...

The Best Cello Album In the World Ever. Seriously that's what this is called. A 2 cd set of cello awesomeness for kiddo's bedtime. Bonus there is a mini car on the front. H's favourite car!

Serena Ryder- If Your Memory Serves You Well. Ummmmmmmmm she kinda sounds like Joni Mitchell- so good. These are mostly covers of classic Canadian songs- and absolutely a delicious CD.

Juice??

So I watched a show last night called "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". At first it seemed like he was trying to hock something but then I realized nope, no, he is just Australian and is trying to hock a healthy diet... This guy was fat and out of control - even had weird rashes and health concerns that medicine wasn't helping... He decided enough was enough and looked into how to fix his life. Somehow the guy turned to an all juice fast. Now let's get something straight. We are talking fresh do it yourself juice. Not the juice you get at the grocery store. But juice like I could buy off the street in Turkey. I still think about that juice. Fresh squeezed orange, peach, berry, you name it- from groves in the Mediterranean. Pair it with street roasted corn with garlic butter? See photo of me 60 lbs ago with a flat tummy. Ugh. Even in this cold winter storm I'm salivating like mad just thinking about it. Damn you Mediterranean street juice. Damn you.

Anyway, this guy adds pounds of kale and veggies to his juice fast. Drinks only this juice for 60 days and loses like 100 lbs. He doesn't make it look easy and he acknowledges how hard it is- but not the hunger- just the mental struggles... And I can't believe how much I want a juicer now.

Now before you think I'm crazy- know this- cancer is rampant in my family history. Grandparents dying before I was born, my auntie, my own dear sweet, funny, smart dad and I've had a scare with it myself. I've been doing some reading/thinking/too much time alone when H is in bed, and I think something like this is exactly what I need. The exercise I can do. It's the eating I have troubles with. Halloween, lunches at work out, Starbucks, pumpkin spice beer, pumpkin pie at Safeway for 2.99. A WHOLE DELICIOUS PIE FOR 2.99? What are they made with nimble child fingers in China?? How is this possible and why is it so good? Argh. BUT I've read a few theories that cancer cells thrive on sugar... Not sure how true this is- because I'm too lazy to do the research and I rely on the world wide web and it's crazies for information
sometimes. And sugar and I go way back. My mom used to have to hide her baking. But there I'd be- standing on the dryer with a pocket full of cookies... But if this sugar-bad juice-good isn't true? No harm done if I try to do something like this I think.

A recent health scare has reminded me that my health is the most important gift I can give to my son. And I was starving today after my trip to the dr. so I stopped at Padmandi- the highest rated vegetarian restaurant in the city. And I dined by myself on fake chicken curry and rice with fresh pineapple juice and thought. It felt great to eat something out that i knew wouldn't harm me in the long run. It was really nice to just be with myself for a small quiet, slow bit. Which doesn't happen too often to a full time working mom with a toddler.

Back to juice- Fasting this way is apparently supposed to be healthy for humans. Our bodies are designed for it. Certainly not for 3 square meals a day an a sedentary lifestyle. I'm sold. Now to buy that juicer. Eek.

You make the rocking world go round-get on your bike and ride!

That's right. I am now riding my bike to work. Not everyday mind you- just the days that Shawn doesn't work because if I have to take kiddo to the dayhome then drive home THEN ride my bike, it is a logistical nightmare. However, on days when I can just go straight to work, the true value of living where we do is revealed. I am a quick 15 minute ride to the new office we have recently moved to. Not only that but it is a 15 minute ride through Mill Creek Ravine, which is like my little piece of heaven on earth in this big huge city that is home for my little family. It is full of birds, saskatoon bushes, and a ravine that slowly winds it's way to the North Saskatchewan. And I love it. We take our dogs there offleash and pulling the dogsled, I have ran countless kms in it, we walk with the kiddo in it- it feels like our little secret beneath the hustle and bustle. And now my bike takes me to work in it.

The last couple weeks I've been able to go an average of 1-3 times. This week I only had Wednesday and Thursday so this morning when I woke up and saw the freezing rain I was unsure. I had tackled cold before, even a light snow- but this seemed like a force to be reckoned with. But when I looked at the layer of ice the freezing rain had left on my windshield that only a true northerner knows I knew biking was my better option. I had forgotten to take my Canadian Tire plush, gel, comfy seat cover off last night so of course it was frozen- and even in my new lululemon gaiter-on-the-bottom pants my girly bits froze for the first minute or so, but once I stopped and scraped off all the ice, all was good. It might be the legendary biker's "callous" that has now formed- which makes my behind numb to the bike seat and therefore numb to ice as well but who knows. That callous deserves it's own blog entry really but I'll get to that later.

I did note at some point that I should probably get myself some sort of drybag for my work clothes, phone and wallet that I carry in my backpack, but I'm hoping on getting some panniers in the near future so a plastic bag can do for now. I also might need to wear my ski goggles as the sleet and rain kinda hurt my eyes at very few intervals, but enough that protection wouldn't be a bad thing. I also need to get myself some sort of biking shoes/boots. My sneakers won't cut it anymore because they are "breathable" which translates to "gets soaking wet and cold" in the winter on a bike. So I'm going to be the height of fashion out there folks. Look out for me on the runways next year in France...

Anyway, I got to bring my bike in the office, and there's rumor going around that perhaps a permanent bike shelter will be provided for us super keener crazies- nope I'm not the only one. On a good day there are 5 of us that ride! Not too shabby eh?

So once it stopped freezing rain- it started snowing. 10-12cm in fact. Now this poses a whole new challenge for the winter biker. Especially since I don't have studded tires. In fact 3 other commuters this evening passed me on their bikes - all commented that I need studded tires. So I'm off to MEC this weekend before they sell out. It was a lot of walking and slipping around in the snow- as much as Edmonton tries- they don't really ever clear the trails for people so I know this is going to be an issue for me all winter.

So now on to my rant- and this is something I can do because it is my blog and it is just my opinion- nothing more, nothing less. If you don't agree with me, that's fine, I don't want to be preachy, let's have a discussion- but here is my opinion take it or leave it. I'm not saying EVERYONE has to ride their bike or take the bus or x-country ski or walk to work or even ice skate like in Ottawa- but I have the feeling it would be a much nicer place if more people did. I know that there are constraints, I myself have them with dropping my son off at our dayhome (don't get me started on how work sponsored childcare would benefit everyone and society as a whole). However, I have gone YEARS without doing it and to be fair I've only been doing it for a couple weeks but man alive does it make me a happier person. I get up in the morning and know I don't have to deal with the stress of traffic. I am quite happy knowing I will get a boost of exercise and get my heart pumping on my route to work. I know I will probably hear some chickadees and house sparrows. I know I am saving money by the litre. I know I am not spouting out pollution (except my own self righteous bullshit- ha). I know I am going to have FUN on my way to work. What a novel idea. What a crazy mixed up world we live in where people move an hour drive away from work and commute daily an hour back and forth for a cheaper, bigger house in the suburbs. Maybe it's my time spent in Europe when I've seen how it is possible for people to ride their bikes to public transportation and not even own a car... I know this is unrealistic for most northern Albertans with our weather- but if me, a chubby 30-something year old mom can do it the odd time- I don't really see why most people couldn't... and here's where I get all judgey judgey---- Except for the fact that our city has a suburb disease. I had the chance to drive out the other night to the suburbs to pick something up and I was SHOCKED at how far south our city has stretched it's dead cement fingers into our aspen parkland and valuable farmland. An area south of Ellerslie, where I used to trap and track deer for university has literally been paved over and covered in exact replica giant houses with shoddy workmanship and yards the size of my bedroom that all look the same and have ridiculous names like Riverview Heights (the river is a good 40km away) and Forest Villa (the forest was tore down to put the homes there), Hawks Ridge (Sorry what? do you really think hawks live here anymore), Lakeview (are you kidding me? Road runoff does not a lake make), The Orchards (REALLY? Is someone taking the piss? Seriously?)... The biggest pet peeve advertisement I have ever seen was a new home community that literally advertised deer in your backyard. Sigh. Urban sprawl is a disease and it's gross and Edmonton has it BAD. As one of the largest cities space-wise in Canada I really think we could do better.

Big Box Stores? Why do we need those? People don't need to drive in between stores- build malls- they take up less space and people walk more then. I've tried walking from store to store in South Edmonton Common. It's suicidal.

Sherwood Park. What is the point of that place really? It's a bedroom community for people who work in Edmonton but want to drive further to get to work? There's no actual businesses there except to sell cheap plastic things to people who live there. Sigh.

St. Albert- same thing but for really rich people who don't want to live next door to someone who might make less than $100,000 a year. Someone once wrote into the St. Albert Gazette commenting on how the people raising their kids there were doing them a disservice by not exposing them to all income brackets of people as well as people who might not be white (next time you're there take a look around) or don't even get me started on THIS awful kerfuffle: http://www.stalbertgazette.com/article/20100403/SAG0904/304039974/-1/SAG09/higher-earning-families-part-of-st-alberts-appeals .... holy shit... read the comments to really get a sense of racism. Or don't and you'll be a better person for it.

I know I have been called a dirtyhippycommiegranolamunchingsocialist. However. I think that the city and it's people can do better. I really, really, really do. Build up not out. Develop inner city schools that are already here and desperately need renovations. Stop building schools in the suburbs. Maybe everyone could take a step back and realize they don't need a giant house in the middle of butt fuck nowhere where they can't even walk to the grocery store. Public transit? No wonder nobody takes it, and it's useless. How could it possibly serve a city the size of New York with less than an eighth of the population. It's impossible. Jesus rollerblading Christ people. Stop the spread of urban sprawl. Stop the demolishing of trees, farmland, irreplaceable wetlands, and wildlife habitat. Did you know that if an animal isn't protected by species at risk rules its home is 100% going to be demolished to build yours. When you could move into a perfectly nice house close to your work, send your kids to a wonderful school in the city, and maybe, just maybe get to ride your bike to work some days in the snow and have a giggle while doing it.

End rant.

Dirty Hippy Brownies!!

So. I slacked for a little while... I'm going to go with around 3 weeks. I had a project at work due and an immense amount of work and very little timeline- welcome to consulting- that found me at the office till 1am on weeknights and bringing kiddo, laptop, and movies in on a Sunday. But now that that's over I can get back to focusing on my life. Ha.

Today I sat down and was perusing the lululemon website after a 30 min cold run in the ravine- and saw some pants I want to eventually fit in... But I got sad because I love desserts and unless I can enjoy food I just can't diet so I might end up a 1-tonne mom. So i was googling healthy recipes that looked really good- and I remembered I had Michael Pollan's book Food Rules somewhere (bear with me this timeline ends up at brownies haha). So I dug into that and it inspired me to see how creative I could get on improving food... One of the rules Italians and French people follow are ENJOY your food- and what's more enjoyable than a brownie? Nothing my friends. Nothing.

So I just took a brownie recipe from the internets and I made it my way-

1 cup whole wheat flour
1/2 cup organic cocoa powder
1/2 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
3/4 cup coconut sugar*
1/4 cup ground flax
2 tbsp wheat germ
1/4 cup hemp hearts
3 egg whites
1/2 cup pureed mixture of prunes and spinach**
1/2 cup canned pumpkin
1/3 cup almond milk
2 tsp vanilla
1/2 cup strong brewed coffee
1/2 cup chopped unsalted almonds to sprinkle on top

*it's supposed to be unrefined so it contains all it's minerals still and it has a really low glycemic index so your blood sugar doesn't freak out.
**4 dried prunes, tbsp of water, and 1 & 1/2 cup fresh spinach in a blender

Mix the dry stuff except the sugar.
In a separate bowl mix the wet stuff and sugar.
Add together mixing as little as possible to blend.
Sprinkle with chopped almonds
Butter or Pam 8x8 pan and bake at 350 for 40 min.

It was perfect. The hemp hearts helped with the nuttiness and the prunes and pumpkin kept them moist. Not exactly your mom's brownies and not too sweet or dense but chocolatey enough to make everyone happy, especially my insatiable sweet tooth and I could let H have a sizable piece and not have visions of him being a 1 tonne teenager. We all loved them! Bingo!! Score one for dirty hippy brownies! I guess the next logical step is to move us all unto a commune.

Here's hoping the salesgirls don't laugh me out of the store...

I got paid today. And after I pay all my normal boring bills, I am heading straight to Lululemon to buy myself some workout worthy clothes. I am tired of Shawn's old tshirts and ratty old pants. I ran stairs last weekend on Sunday with a friend of mine who I used to do stairs with pre-leg break quite regularly. It was tough and I wasn't nearly as fast as I used to be. But I did it. And it was fun and totally worth it. However, I couldn't walk for this whole week. My calves were so tight that I couldn't get up or down the stairs without desperately gripping the bar and sort of doing an old lady shimmy to the side down them. And forget what torture it was when Huxley needed me to "I carwwy you momma" (he's got it backwards but I know what he means) down the stairs. Ugh. I actually made plans every time I went up and down for throwing him over my head so he would land on me when I fell. You see I have fallen down stairs before. About 8 months after I broke my leg, I decided to run some stairs in Medicine Hat and my ankle actually just gave out halfway down. I went flying and had huge scrapes on my tummy and face from hitting the stairs on the way down and landing in a huge pile of red dirt. So I have a bit of a fear of stairs and so Sunday was a good accomplishment for me. However, it hurt so bad I couldn't even get off of the couch to get the remote so I kept watching Honey Boo Boo run all week and I've noticed I didn't mind... Well F that. I clearly need a kick in the ever increasingly baggy pants. So I am going to pick myself up a couple fall/winter running shirts, some pants with reflective strips, and maybe an ear band to get me motivated and out the door again. Barring the door doesn't accidentally open while H is running in circles picking his nose and I'm trying to stuff myself into the sausage casings and traumatize every tight svelte 20something girl in there into spontaneously committing suicide while looking at their inevitable future staring them in the face while I scream "I USED TO BE JUST LIKE YOU".....

Fingers crossed!!!

People in real life have started to notice I'm losing weight. Today, my dayhome lady, asked me if I'd been losing weight. I was so happy. My pants are so lose right now I don't even half to undo the buttons or zipper to take them off. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

I also need some more running music for my ipod. Anyone got any good song recommendations????

I am a runner.

I really don't know what to write. I could be funny and talk about how I sweated like a pack mule, heave myself forward rather than actually "run", and all the training and blood, sweat, and tears I had to go through to get to this place. I had all these visions and inspirational wisdom, and thoughts of what I would write- but to be honest I want to keep it honest and simple... I ran ten kilometres on Saturday the 21 for the Doctors Without Borders. And it was easier than I thought it was going to be. Yay training. I didn't turn around at the tempting 5km halfway mark because I knew Shawn and kiddo were going to be somewhere along the way and because I stopped caring what place I was in or if everyone else except me looked all of a sudden like Jillian Michaels. I kept running because I could. The beautiful repetition of one foot in front of the other, going forward no matter what. Slowly but surely. I ran because I could run. I ran and I thought. I thought about my family. My mother -how much she enjoys kiddo. My brother and his epic pilgrimage across an entire country and his bravery and willingness to just throw himself into something and finish it no matter what (family resemblance maybe?).  I thought a lot about my Dad- about how proud he'd be of me. The race was right near the U of A and I remember driving around there many times when my brother was at baseball practice, and me and my Dad talking about me going there. About how I never even applied to another university- and how proud he was of me. I thought about what he had to go through and how what I was doing seemed trivial and silly and not painful compared to cancer. In fact it put it all into a much better light for me- could it be that running was joyful and a celebration of the fact that I am alive? I hope every day he knows how much I loved him. 

When kiddo and Shawn met me at the 5km mark I ran up and saw H giving me a HUGE grin that he does so well and it made me so happy to have him see his momma practicing what she preaches. If anything I can exercise to be an example for him. Shawn pushed the stroller for about one kilometre with me and then they tailed off- with H saying "good run mama" and waving at me and blowing kisses. If anything will make a momma cry that will...

My time isn't something I even care about. I could post it but it wasn't about that for me. I only race against myself. I finished just as they were giving out the prizes, needless to say I wasn't a contender for a prize. But my prize was seeing my two boys waiting for me at the end frantically waving and trying to take a picture. I finished and felt good. And my family was there cheering me on, as a runner. A little piece of heaven that was.

Meatballs

I have been mulling this one over for a little while now. How to make the perfect meatball. And I think I have done it- with props to Laura, who in her own right should have her own cooking show. I took a pound of extra lean hamburger (from TK ranch- organic, outside cows), almost an equal amount of shredded zucchini, one free range chicken egg, a whole bunch of ground flax, wheat germ, the keg steak spice, shredded onion, and enough garlic to seriously disfigure both Edward and Bella. They are baking right now in the oven... Kiddo will let me know in approximately 8 minutes how they turn out... until then- here are some photos I took with my iPhone.

 

Home Again, Home Again- jiggity jig.

“But why had he always felt so strongly the magnetic pull of home, why had he thought so much about it and remembered it with such blazing accuracy, if it did not matter, and if this little town, and the immortal hills around it, was not the only home he had on earth? He did not know. All that he knew was that the years flow by like water, and that one day men come home again.” Thomas Wolfe from "You Can't Go Home Again"


It's funny how you can have these people in your life. Ones that you have known since you weren't even able to tie your shoes. People that hold your history in their hearts and you theirs. People that grew up with you. I grew up in a town with a population of ~800 people, 850 if you count livestock in town limits. We had train tracks and open prairie in our backyard. The kind of place where the elderly sit outside in their lawn chairs and offer you candy as you walk by and nobody blinks an eye. The kind of place where a mom can throw the kids outside, lock the door and drink red wine and watch soaps clean her house uninterrupted knowing her kids are safe. The kind of place where tadpole hunting and riding your bike on gravel roads is a daily experience in the summer. The kind of place where you form friendships where you might only see people a few times every couple of years as you grow old, but when you do- you ease right back into that comfortable place where you can talk about anything, laugh uncontrollably, all put your arms around one another and sing as loud as you can to music from your youth... A community.

Since my parents moved away it hasn't been easy for me to get home much. But when I do, it is home. Every inch of that town holds a memory for me and I feel so lucky and so blessed to have grown up in my town. I went into my parent's old store and chatted with the new owners. It was like nothing had changed. I could still see my Dad standing there behind the counter. I'm adult enough to say I cried. In the store. It was a lot for me- but it was worth it.

I spent sometime outside on Saturday night staring up at the stars- because I forgot what it was like to see them so clearly you can almost feel them.  I laid in bed in the trailer one night and could hear the sandhill cranes flying high up ahead migrating south. I ran out of town from the campground to the old airport and back (4km wahoo) on a gravel road that smelled like clover and I could hear cows mooing and see the cowbirds flying around.

I feel upset sometimes that my son won't have the same experiences I had. He won't understand directions like "turn left when you get to the red barn, and right at so and so's house". He won't grow up in school with all the same people, know all their families, and have the same bond I do with these incredible people. He won't learn how to drive on a gravel road- the smells, the crunchy noise, and the feel of the rocks under the wheels. He won't have that feeling of knowing them since he was 5 and then seeing their 5 year old children- and be able to pick whose is whose out of a crowd... He won't have these people. These incredible, special, down to earth, smart, amazing people- That I don't see enough of and was so blessed to grow up with.

In other news: my eating was crap, I ate way too much cheese, and whiskey, beers, and baileys blew my diet right out of the water... I remember rationalizing the cookie I was eating as I drank my 27865th beer that I would eventually just throw it up anyway.. ha. Didn't happen. I did run 4km and golf, so that should count.... but I wasn't this weekend. I was just too busy.

I'm terrible at titles. And I ramble in this one.

So my eating hasn't been good this week. It started with a birthday party chips and squares, then a baby shower cupcake, then two beers at the Glass Tiger/Roxette (with four girls i went to grade school with and have known since I was 6 years old- we sang our hearts out- holla!!!) then Chinese food, arghlespla!!! I went for a 40 min run today with Andrea and let me tell you that first 20 was SO SLUGGY! I can definitely tell when my diet has been disgusting... But the last 20 minutes were much better after I'd gotten all the crap burnt off and taken a pee in the bushes. In the ravine. Crawling with dogs and people. While Andrea stood watch. In the middle of the city. Of almost a million people. What can I say? I'm a small town girl at heart.

Also I gained a pound back. Booooo :( well that's a lesson to me for sure!

My brother went to Europe yesterday with his partner for a whole
month. He is hiking across the entire country of Spain from The French border to Santiago. The St. James walk. It's a pilgrimage of over 1000 km and he is going to do this epic journey for a week with E then she is leaving and he is continuing on by himself the last 3 weeks. Walking about 35-40 km a day I think that works out to. I'm so incredibly proud of him! He has been training for weeks running on his treadmill, walking around Cooking Lake loops of 32km- and he went to mec and got himself all sorted for gear, boots, sleeping bag, light hiking clothes. I'm so jealous I would bleed green if I got a paper cut (now that i said that i better not get one - why is paper such a vindictive, passive aggressive bit€h?). So we discussed me coming on a trip next time. Mt. Kilimanjaro? Why not. Maybe when Huxley is a teenager we can take him too! Agh! I get so excited about all the things I want to show him! I hope he shares my interest in adventures!!! If he starts dressing goth and baying at the moon though ... Well I'll still love him and probably take him to Romania then :)

Here is some photos- my brother and kiddo, bro and E the night before the trip, and my beautiful friend E at the Roxette/Glass Tiger concert!

I GOT AN AWARD!

So a friend of mine whom I admire greatly (she is an awesome momma and always dressed the way I would dress if I could fit my fat arse into those clothes) writes a great little blog about her family, life, and her and her husband's autobody business that I believe they built from scratch (kudos!) You Auto Know. She graciously gave me a Liebster blog award and wrote up a way too generous referral for IBTWYPDB so I'm passing it on and answering her questions. I am going to get to passing the reward on and the referrals asap but I found her questions really fun and wanted to answer them today because I have that sort of obsessive personality.

1.Why did you start a blog?
This is an excellent question. I have no idea. Maybe my type A personality? Maybe my need to share the wonders of life with the internets? Maybe a need to express myself a la Doogie Howser? Probably most likely the need for some accountability in my weight loss and exercising goals. I'm going to go with that one.


2. What's your favourite thing to write about?
My kid, but since I fear posting how he pooped so bad the other day it went up the back of his shirt, was stuck to his back, and almost got in his hair... might come back to haunt him and thus me- I restrain myself. So I settle for little things in life I experience and of course keeping my walrus metabolism in check. Like for instance look forward to a post on my very first experience at the sport of squash soon!!

3. What's your own favourite post?
The one so far where I list my motivations for why I am trying to lose weight. It helps me and I find it keeps me off the vino very theraputic to write out what I'm feeling and discussing the difficulties of driving past the cupcake store eating healthy to be hard sometimes and I want to share it so that girls everywhere don't feel so bad when they sit on the couch eating mayonnaise from a jar watching Storage Wars miss their goals. Solidarity.

4. What's your favourite Edmonton festival?
Edmonton Folk Music Festival. Acoustic music, dirty hippies, sunshine, and beers. If you haven't ever been I strongly discourage you start going as it's getting more popular and I don't like waiting in line for tickets.

5. What website do you visit every day?
Facebook, work stuff, real estate agents for tropical countries, youtube for cat videos.

6. How long do you spend online every day?
Probably a few hours but most of it is work related.

7. Where would you move?
Well this is something I struggle with. I love Edmonton, what a beautiful city- winter and summer! But I know there are cities with beaches out there. Where I can let the kid build a sand castle and I can drink moijitos... but to be honest I don't move because of my family and rich group of friendships I've built up. I love each and every one of them and would miss them dearly. Hence why I'm not tanned and learning how to surf. Damn you people.

8. What type of business would you start?
Some sort of travel writing/touring thing that involves children, photography, fitness, and saving the planet as well. Sounds legit right?

9. What's your favourite thing about Fall?
Colours! School! Pumpkins! Crunching leaves! The smell of Staples!

10. What's the most domestic thing about you?
I love being a mommy. Also I LOVE doing laundry. I love the smell of it, I love how you can start it and go sit down and read a couple chapters of 50 Shades of Grey, then go empty it. Voila! Martha Stewart has nothing on me.

11. What's the least domestic thing about you?
I hate cooking. And dishes. And pretty much everything kitchen related. Except pie.

Sometimes

I have a framed photo of my Dad we call Grandpa and yesterday we were driving in the car and H leans over out of the blue and says in his punctuated speech "Momma-Grandpa's- house- wanna" and because we call Shawn's dad "Guido" I knew exactly what he meant. And I wanted it too baby- I wanted it too.

Travel difficulties!

So I'm in a small northern town doing some live trapping for work. On a good day I hate this town... It's an oil and gas town that is surrounded by oil and gas leases (not an acreage, farm, or ranch to be found- which is too bad as it's beautiful country)- but they've covered this place in industry and it started long before the environment was something people worried about- so it's a mess... Check out the roadkill young of the year bear we found...Poor thing ... But I digress. Since it caters to a certain clientele you're hard pressed to find a vegetable in three of the four restaurants and this is no good for me. Because of the labour day weekend and our 9pm finish time the restaurants were closed except the burger baron. So I almost started crying in the truck. To think I've come this far and worked this hard to be FORCED to eat greasy junk made me incredibly sad. However, I was lucky enough to have a field partner with some dietary restrictions more restrictive than my current ones so she not only understood but jumped out of the truck to find the grocery store open with five minutes left to do our shopping! A couple bags of salad and some microwaved rice and a banana we were out the door and I was saved! And even though I drank a Gatorade today I still came in under my limit of 1476 calories today! I was so happy and grateful to her for helping me solve my problem without a blink of an eye and not even a chuckle at the chubby girl almost in tears desperately trying to heal herself. Thank you M.

This cannot wait.

I woke up this morning and rubbed my thighs and realized- saddle bags gone!!! GONE!!!

Might have something to do with my new scale that I got yesterday that told me since I've started this- Three months ago- I've lost 14 pounds!!!!! And that's just from the running, the eating makeover is new. Sure makes it easier to go running in the rain this morning!

Also super extra, wonderful bonus-it hopefully will mean I will fit better in this tiny space my bed partners leave for me...

Nailed it!

My friend came to Folk Fest with us this year and had made pancakes shaped like teddy bears and they were soooo good! So this morning I thought- pancake teddy bears! I used whole wheat flour, free range eggs, almond milk- then added the baking soda and powder (what are these made of? How do i not know that? I'm going to google out of curiosity)... Then I put in shredded squash from my friend Laura's garden, shredded apples from our tree, blueberries and flax for good measure or something. And used peanut butter for topping! So yummy!

Here is the photo of my thalidomide teddy bear pancake. Well it resembles one right?

Pirate Ship and booty = motivation

So went for a really long hard run tonight with a friend- her statement this afternoon- "yeah, I'll come with you but can we go hard tonight?" so I got home- had a salad and whole wheat butter chicken pizza from panago (oh my god so good) and drank a tonne of water in preparation. We watched a pirate cartoon with H and put him to bed and off I went. Took the dogs- Annie is terrible on the leash but has the recall of a boomerang! Nanook has no recall but runs beside me like a dream so it's a bit chaotic till they get into the rhythm... Anyway ran hard- then ran some more... 39 minutes with three walk breaks hard out. I feel good but might be stiff tomorrow... A good epsom salt soak should fix that Shawn says.

Also- quick story- H and I were at my friend Laura's horse boarding farm awhile ago and there was a pile of horse poo him and her daughter were playing on and he kept yelling "pilaship" which I thought meant pile of shit!!! I was getting mad at him and in wonder where he knew that from- when he started yelling ahoy ahoy and realizes he was saying PIRATE SHIP... Phew!!!!

Which brings me to the cumulation of these ramblings tonight- my motivations. I am motivated by three things-

1- honestly? Three of my favorite stores in the world are here now in Edmonton- lululemon, J.Crew and Anthropologie. And guess what? I'll be honest completely- I can't fit into a damn thing in any of them. J.Crew and Anthro? Forget it. Lulu? Overpriced sausage casing. I just want to walk in and try something on and be able to wear it. That's all.

2- my fathers passing of stomach cancer. Now not to say my dad was unhealthy or fat- he worked hard and had a secret spin cycle in the garage where he'd sweat to the oldies... But watching a loved one suffer is not only gut wrenchingly heartbreaking but also incredibly inspiring to know that absolutely nothing I do is harder than what my dad went through. And to say "oh my god it's so hard I can't do it" - I just think of how scared we were of the radiation and chemo and how brave and honest and unflappable my father's strength was. And how he'd put on his game face- For himself and all three of us huddled in the waiting room.

3. For my kiddo. Every single time I put something bad in my mouth I get this guilt that I'm robbing H of a happy, healthy momma who needs to be able to chase him, pick him up and tickle him till he screams- then do it all over again... I want to take him hiking, kayaking, biking, and show him the world. But most importantly I want him to be healthy and happy and he needs me. Every piece of junk food takes that away from him. And so I guess my biggest motivator is love...

I hope you got to the end of this one. I feel like it's my best one yet :)

Weigh a minute mister post man...

So I'm looking at buying a fancy pants weigh scale online (as I've discovered shopping for things in my granny panties is one of life's greatest pleasures) one of those ones that can measure your water mass, bone mass, fat... And apparently laziness as some of the reviewed cons listed were "you have to push a button to turn it on". Now folks don't get me wrong- I love all y'all- but if you are too lazy to PUSH A BUTTON to even weigh your chub- you've got bigger problems then any scale can help you with... Amiright??

That aside- worked out with Andrea tonight- she made me sweat!! But I held a plank for 20 seconds and even did ten push ups with Huxley laying on my back. Best compliment- "you've got great quads"!!!

In other non weight loss news- I laughed so hard today at work I snorted. Loud. I love being able to work alongside my friends. Don't think you can put a wage on that?

Aaannnnnd random kiddo picture as well.

Just a girl and her fat ass trying to make it in this crazy world...

So ran again tonight. My friend from work came with H and I. I ran the whole way up Connors Hill. Without stopping. I just wanted to say that. That is all.

Ps. Here is a photo of my current foods (inspired by and garden vegetables compliments of the lovely Laura):
Breakfast- Greek yogurt with "Skinny B" cereal and fresh blueberries for breakfast, and Mexican chicken (cilantro, tomato, onion, garlic and a small tomato blended) with tomatoes, spinach and roasted asparagus for supper!
Also: my friends have a beautiful baby girl- look at that face and try not to smile :)

This doesn't hurt. Cancer does.

So a lot has happened in the past couple of years I have neglected this site. It's like my Christmas cactus my mom keeps wondering about. It doesn't grow because I don't pay attention to it! But I saw a t-shirt in a running room propoganda I picked up the other day for inspiration and it prompted me to write. It said "This doesn't hurt. Cancer does". And I knew exactly what that menat. And I think I might just have to get one of those made for me.

I have had a lot of stuff go on in the past while. My father passing was a huge blow to myself personally, on the family level and my entire being. I have had a baby, broke my leg and almost ripped my foot off, recouped from that- can walk again, moved to Medicine Hat, moved back, struggled through a crippling post partum depression (none of that is in a chronological order). After many drowned sorrows in cupcakes, tears and Storage Wars I am feeling like I am back again. I attribute a lot of it to my steadfast partner Shawn, who has put up with my craziness and outbursts of uncontrolled grief for the past two years. He is my rock and although the boat hasn't always been steady- I have never doubted his love and his in me. And he has never left my side.

I can also give some credit to my beautiful personal trainer Andrea, who despite me asking for it, never has yelled at me once! I am FINALLY running again. Finally. And it feels good. I went while on my work camping trip in the mountains and as I came up over one hill pushing the stoller singing the ABCs for H I realized I hadn't felt that alive and happy in years. Literally. Years. I went last night with Shawn, Huckleberry and my two wonderful fur babies in the ravine by our house and for the first time didn't feel like I was going to die. I ran all the way up the hill and didn't stop once. And I don't think it's just my new Nikes. I am actually going to get the balls to sign up for the 10km on September 22 with my two friends and I think I'll actually survive. My cousins in Thunder Bay are running on on that day as well and so I feel a bit of a connection to them in that way and so plans are in the works to sign us all up one to run together. I've said it before and I'll say it again; Derkson women are beautiful.