What do you think about when you run?
First I think about putting one foot in front of the other. Then I think about my breathing and my gait and pace and whether or not my piece of shit Garmin is working... and all that jazz...
Sometimes I think about what I would have to do/what weapons I have on me in case someone tries to grab me or stab me. I can get really detailed about how I'd kill a man... My keys between my knuckles or a sharp stick (because I run in the ravine sometimes) to the eye should do it. I practice what I would yell and look for homes that look like someone is home. I hide my cell phone in the back of my running pants in the hidden zipper. On silent. Just in case a van stops and grabs me and I have to secretly use my phone to call 911. I think these things. I'm crazy. I know it.
I also think about what I need to do that day. I think about my family. I think about my job. I think about my dogs... then after awhile, once I'm running for a long time (which is why I love the longer distances), it gets deeper.
I start thinking about why I'm running. I think about what I'm trying to do with this life. I think about my body as a tool and I listen to my heartbeat. I think about H and who I want to be to him. I want to inspire him and want to make sure I'm around for his wedding. Hell, his retirement. I think about how much I love that little booger and how much he has changed my life. All for the better. Sometimes I think about how it'd be nicer if he wouldn't rub peanut butter on the dog... I run because I want to make my heart stronger. I once read that your heart really only has so many beats in it, and you don't want to waste them up by having it work harder than it has to... Regardless of how true it is - the immortality of it motivates me. I think a lot about my own life and death and how this, this is the only life I have. These choices I make, everyday, the accumulation of them make up my life. That my life is the sum of the choices I made and will make. I think about my goals. And how each step is a step in the direction of achieving them. Not just to run a race or to get a medal but to have a better life. To be and do something great. I think about my dad, and my friends who have lost their lives. And people who are sick and are unable to run. I know that I run because I can. And that I owe it to my them, my family, and most of all, myself to make the best out of this life.
But I also run because I enjoy it. I love running in the winter- the cold crisp air and the snow falling. I love the icicles in my hair and I love the warmth my body creates... I think about how much I've come to love my body. My body that has given me my son. The one that carries me across the world. The one that thinks it dances like JLo when it thinks no one is looking. The one that holds my brain and my eyes and my hands that rubs my son's legs. I love my body. And running helps heal it. Physically and emotionally.
So that's the kind of stuff that runs through my head when I run. When I'm picking up my dogs' waste off your front lawn along the way. *sorry about that- running makes them poop.
This video is sort of what inspired this wee post. And really made me happy. And sad. I loved it. I hope you do too.